Last night, Paul and I were talking about a couple he once overheard while walking in New York City.
The guy, a standard bro-dude type, was telling his ladyfriend, “So, I went to the gym today, and my trainer was like, ‘How you feeling?’ and I was like, ‘Real sore, man, you kicked my ass yesterday,’ and he was like, ‘You going to need the geriatric workout today?’ and I was like, ‘Yeah man, I might.'” And the ladyfriend kind of laughed.
The point of this story was, how can these couples exist? What are their conversations like, beyond this snippet? How is it that any girl would date a guy who talks this way (i.e. boring-ly…not a word, I don’t care)?
The answer: He’s the male equivalent of a girl like this.
I’ve seen the Shit Girls Say Twitter feed before, and while I’ve met some people who talk like that, I’m not close with any of them. Shit Girls Say represents a certain type of woman, the type that’s kind of snotty, and kind of boring, and extremely likely to date someone who would blather on about his time at the gym. Maybe they are smart, but they don’t show it when they speak this way.
Of course, I say some of these things myself. (Who hasn’t asked someone else to read something they’ve written to see if it makes sense?) But if I needed to talk like this full-time for whatever reason, I just couldn’t do it. (“Love you like a sister”? “We’re terrible”? “I mean, she’s pretty, but that’s about all she has going for her”? For real?) My brain can’t operate on that level.
I guess all I’m saying is, it’s remarkable that these people exist, and that there are enough of them to merit a meme.
Also, if I were ever asked to go undercover in a vapid clique for sabotage purposes, Lindsay-Lohan’s-character-in-Mean-Girls-style, I would fail miserably.