Today, I joined MySpace so I could invite Bruce Springsteen to a party.
Let me back up a second. See, my friend Paul made up a holiday with his friends a couple years ago. It’s called St. Douglas Day. It takes place the weekend after the weekend directly following St. Patrick’s Day. Here are the rules:
- Instead of wearing green, you wear blue.
- Instead of listening to Irish music, you listen to The Boss.
As far as I can tell, no Saint Douglas has ever existed. Paul won’t explain how this came about, though I imagine it involved alcohol. It doesn’t really matter – he is making us food, and we are having a dance party in his parents’ yoga room. (He’s housesitting.)
Today, it occurred to me that it would be stupid for us to not even try to invite Bruce. I couldn’t find any contact info on his official website, but there was a “send message” option on his MySpace page. I quit MySpace a while ago, because it’s the creepy back alley of social networking, but I rejoined just to send this:
Subject: Please come to our awesome party!
I am writing to invite you to a party this weekend.
My friend Paul made up a holiday called St. Douglas Day to be celebrated on the weekend after the one immediately following St. Patrick’s Day.
Instead of wearing green and listening to Irish music, we wear blue and listen to your music.
We would be honored if you could attend. There will be kebabs, pulled pork, and a bubble machine.
It is this Saturday, March 26. Sorry for the late notice – no one else thought to actually invite you! It starts at 7:30 but feel free to show up whenever.
His address is [redacted], Schnecksville, PA. (Near Allentown, PA – not too far from New Jersey.)
We are serious. Don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions! My cell phone number is [redacted], and Paul’s is [redacted].
Hope you can make it!
If this were to somehow work, if Bruce were to show up in Schnecksville, it would be the greatest achievement of my life. I would never be able to top it. But even if my plan somehow fails, at least I will have contributed these Oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies I’m planning to make for the party.